back in black...dahlia

i'm really sorry about that title, folks. i really tried to come up with a better one but nothing came to me.

anyway, i saw the black dahlia tonight (incidently, did you know that dahlia means: any composite plant of the genus Dahlia, native to Mexico and Central America and widely cultivated for its showy, variously colored flower heads; the flower or tuberous root of a dahlia; a pale violet or amethyst color--so, technically "the black dahlia could be interpreted "the black pale violet"--just a bit of useless info for you so that you can be that guy at the party who knows everything about everything...everybody thinks that guy is cool...now you can be cool--man, this is a long parenthetical, i'll get back on track) it was not the movie i thought it was going to be. it went from gruesome, to campy, to outright hillarious, to wtf?

we'll start with the gruesome:

any movie involving a disemboweling is going to lend itself to a bit of gore, and this being a brian de palma film (the man who brought us the phantom of the paradise), even moreso. but it wasn't the quantity that got me it was its placement and timing; i really didn't expect that crow to put its beak in that eye at that moment.

the campy:

let's just say that k.d. lang makes a camio as a lounge singer in a lesbian night club and we'll leave it there.

the outright hillarious:

you need to see this movie for one reason; fiona shaw is absolutely hysterical. there is a scene with josh hartnett (who has his usual serviceable hartnetty performance), shaw with others at a dinner table that is more than worth the price of admission. i don't know that this movie is intended to be funny (having not read the ellroy novel on which it is based, so not knowing if it was humorous) but it will make you laugh out loud.

wtf?:

uh...did i mention k.d. lang is in the movie? did i mention that it was funny? ok, then i guess all that remains is the last 15 minutes of the movie. don't worry, i won't spoil it for you; even if i told you verbatim what happened, you'd be all like, "uh, wtf?" and i'd be like,"yeah, i know." then you'd be like, "really?" and i'd be like, "yeah, you think i could make that crap up?" then you'd be like, "seriously? 'cause that's kinda weird." then i'd be like, "you're telling me. i just finished watching it." then you'd be like, "seriously?" then i'd be like, "dude, just watch the movie, you're kinda getting on my nerves." then you'd be like, "i'm sorry man, i get like that that sometimes." then i'd be like, "it's ok just chill out, ok?" then you'd be like, "ok, sorry." then i would forgive you and walk away quickly.

ok, as far as the acting breakdown is concerned:

it should be noted that this movie was acted in the style of 40s-50s noir; any of these actors could have easily been played by bogart, cagney, or bacall, so it is difficult to evaluate the actors in dahlia based on modern standards...that being said, in the following sentences i shall evaluate the actors based on modern standards.

josh hartnett does what he does best; that being, being josh hartnett. he doesn't hurt the film but he isn't stellar either. scarlett johanssen was good, not lost in translation good, but good; she seems to overplay the "40s girl" a bit. aaron eckhart starts out well but fades as the movie progresses; this is probably the fault of the writers, but we're not evaluating the writers here, but eckhart's character fades into the background of the movie, which is unfortunate because the character is multilayered (like the onion...or parfait)...too bad. the ray of brandy-soaked sunshine in this film is the performance of fiona shaw (aunt petunia of harry potter fame...yes, if you do know her, that's probably where you know her from) she is the reason to see this movie. the rest of the actors do well enough, like i said, the acting is very 40s-ish so it fells different than most of the movies put out nowadays.

final verdict:

see it. i'm not absolutely sure i liked it but i know that i thoroughly enjoyed it...yeah, i know that doesn't make sense, but just wait until you see it, you'll feel the same way. i give it 3 racks of lamb out of 5, but fiona shaw's performance gets 5 of 5 with 2 sides of her choosing; we have mashed taters, steamed veggies, creamed corn, salad (house or caesar), french fries, and baked beans (but i'd stay away from the beans).

ok, folks. that's all i've got for you this week. have a good week or don't whichever you choose, i don't want you to think i'm trying to run your life...because i'm not...just making a suggestion that having a good week might be perferable to not having one...but it's your life, live how you want, just don't blame me when "not having a good week" works out badly for you. anyway, have a week of your choosing, and i'll talk to you later. i'm out.